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Literature Text
"O dawn, thou foul creature of fire oppressed
behind the eyes of my mistress, fade before
her frozen heart melts under thine caress.
Yet still ye embeds within her flesh your claw,
to gouge out memories and alter her fate
written in stars, despite the rites I perform.
I banish thee demon, your thirst won't be slaked
through the violet wine of her dismembered throat,
no matter your scratching, your warmth is too late.
This woman is mine, her spirit overthrown,
for the ice in her veins feeds my cold heart,
therefore I absolve thee of claim to my throne.
Empty dawn you are a heartless pawn, a part
of a plot that will never tear us apart".
behind the eyes of my mistress, fade before
her frozen heart melts under thine caress.
Yet still ye embeds within her flesh your claw,
to gouge out memories and alter her fate
written in stars, despite the rites I perform.
I banish thee demon, your thirst won't be slaked
through the violet wine of her dismembered throat,
no matter your scratching, your warmth is too late.
This woman is mine, her spirit overthrown,
for the ice in her veins feeds my cold heart,
therefore I absolve thee of claim to my throne.
Empty dawn you are a heartless pawn, a part
of a plot that will never tear us apart".
Literature
Good Night
it started with “good night”
and the way you stopped saying it
and I told myself it was because
you were too tired
too weary
too worn
and I made it okay
then I stopped being your “good morning”
and everyone else saw you first
and I told myself it was because
you were too busy
too popular
too distracted
and I made it okay
now it ends with “good bye”
and it's not a cry for attention or a ploy for your love
you can tell yourself it's because
I'm too needy
too jealous
too much
but I gotta make it, okay?
Literature
A Moment
Place your hand over mine
Look me in the eye
Open my soul up and
Let it all unwind
Leave me dangling from a string
Wrapped around you, wrapped around my heart
Stretching, pulling,
Snapping
So what are you and I gonna do, my dear?
Literature
Is This Love?
I walk down a crooked, broken pathway
A lone tear permanently attached to my cheek
Exhaustion explodes from every pore
Food will not satisfy
Water will not quench
All hope is gone
But as long as I'm with you, I will not stumble
You are all I need to satisfy and quench my needs
Hope will slowly return
My heart is broken;
Lies nearly dead in a heap of despair
Little pieces are broken off here and there
They won't be coming back.
But you are slowly piecing me back together
You are bringing life back into mi corazon
I have faith you can find the missing pieces
When we're together, I feel balanced
I'm madly in love in a calm way
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I would be very grateful for critiques and things to get this type of poem better, like words that could be replaced with more Shakespearian language . Terza rima sonnet.
© 2014 - 2024 CompanyInDeath
Comments5
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critique:For a Terza Rima, there should be some spacing between the stanzas. That's my opinion, because of personal preferences.
With that said, the Old English formatting is as shown below (in bold)
her frozen heart melts under thine caress.
Yet still ye embeds within her flesh your claw,
for the ice in her veins feeds my cold heart, (because I feel that this word adds further to the general point of view you've written in this sentence)
With that said, your syllables are off as well: You can paste your poem to this site:
www.haikusyllablecounter.com/
And see for yourself. But to be fair to you, it isn't necessary for you to alter them. I felt that they flowed fluently and - in all fairness - your poem's syllable count was not that off - two syllables difference generally is acceptable in a poem. Nevertheless, I liked the poem - your volta (turn) in the ending couplet also was concrete. So that's a positive aspect here. The way it is writing of "dawn fire" (although I had a woman in mind) also makes it a good poem overall. Concrete when read till the end, but open ended towards its message as a whole. Good stuff.